Final Trial

Tommorow is a big day. It's the starting day of the criminal case that i am going through. Don't worry, i am not the accused but the victim. In all this time as i have been talking about my ex-being an asshole plus his ridiculous family, i feel the coming week is going to liberate me from this court case pressure. I have waited paitenlty part scared part depressed and stressed and what not.
Well, i know what that asshole has thought over the years. He surely cused and still would have blamed me for being wrong but little he knows that after getting kicked in the ass from him It was me who suffered the most. Ahhh. enough talking about him and his doing. I have never cared less about him as I do now. On finding a life partner...I have come across many other men which makes it even more difficult for me to understand men here in Canada. Yes, I think there have been a time as i might have over reacted in having somebody in my life. But seriously, that part of my life is still empty but i am not dying because i don't have a partner.
See how nice does it sound calling someone your partner! It's amazing as i think i made a mistake of being ignorant in India about men around me. But seriously I never came across a man who would swept me away.
Now when it comes to sharing my blog "i don't do that". As I write for myself and have shared about this blog with only one guy till now. To whom i never see checking in here and waisting his time. I keep my feelings private. I feel when i am writting, its my space and its my zone. Yeah... so back to the court case, I hope those loosers give up and get a good punishment. That's all other wise in any case, i am moving on.

Say the words that you mean

I just heard an awesome song by Chris Medina. I thank my friend for introducing me to the singer. Wow...people still mean those wedding vows or the words they say. Well, in my case I am not very optimistic but also think when the time will be right I will be able find the right person. I do feel the pressure as I have seen so many brides in the last year that it hurts me. I am very happy for them and I wish they will have a wonderful journey. But when comes to me it does not work.

Actually love from any man till now has not worked out for me. The first they would say is you’re attractive or beautiful. All the compliments I do take them from my heart but what else. Is there anything else you would want to know about me? Are interested in knowing my passions and ideas? Are you going to be patient enough to stand by my side and the most important do you mean the words that you say?

When I was in my twenties I never wanted to get married. I never thought I will be able to afford a wedding at first. Perhaps because I had no money to get an Indian wedding done for myself. Somehow I got married, fell in love and got betrayed from my love. But even when I was in love my ex was not like me. I think I liked the differences we had. And I took that as another beauty of our love. I tried very hard so that the person who said all those vows will stand for the promises that he made. Unfortunately, I got blamed for not being a proper wife. In all I hate men who say things that they don’t mean.

I wonder that why don’t they understand that somebody might be holding on to the words they said. May be because I think I do say something I actually mean. I have had molesters, lover and the guys I tried dating. But not one whom I could see myself was getting old with. Yes, I am getting frustrated because I think I might have to just settle down with somebody who is again not like me. Because I don’t see anybody with the same interest or goals in life like me. Now I am not bragging about myself but seriously, I have not met anyone like me. And I think a couple is compatible only when they match and not when they aim for different goals or aspirations. This guy who will just say anything that will make me happy enough so that he can have a jiggy. Ahhh...I feel awful sometimes with the feeling of loneliness. But I will make it through I think.

This is just a request to all the men out there that please stop sayings words that you don’t mean. Stop being such idiots and heartbreakers. Because it hurts, it really hurts.

Is only one life fair enough?

There is so much to do
and so much to learn
I could walk over the mountains
and hold the ocean in my arms
Sing my random thoughts
and just wish for a scarlet night
I ask my dear lord
Is only one life fair enough?

I hold my dreams leash
as they start showing me a different world
With so many inspirational stories
and so many strong bodies
I question myself
Is only one life fair enough?

Pain, love and fantasy
to me they are all mystery
I know they are part of life
but still they hold our passions
like a deep burried anchor
Is there anyone who could say
Only one life is fair enough